Stories

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*A true testimony with names, events and personal details altered for legal protection and discretionary purposes.

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I’ve been through a lot in my life.  I was ill as a child, I was severely bullied as a teenager, I was in an abusive marriage at a very young age, but nothing left me emotionally scarred as much as working as a prostitute.

Before I made this terrible choice, I still would say and share quotes like, “Your past doesn’t define you, it’s made me who I am now”.  But not anymore.  Today, I would love to find a clock that could turn back time. I wish somebody tried to stop me, I wish the internet was down when I tried to post my first ad…. anything that would make me rethink my decision.

Originally, it was meant to be just a few jobs to make up money lost on a bad deal.  At the time I was heavily dependent on drugs.  Little did I know that soon I would also get dependent on what I thought was easy money.

My marriage had ended seven years earlier and then it seemed all my relationships were dysfunctional. I was bitter, I was heartbroken and tired of men using me for sex.   I thought, “If they treat me like a piece of meat, fine – but meat ain’t free”. 

At the same time, I needed money to support my drug habit. I was using daily.

During the first few months I felt like I could afford everything and men could no longer hurt me but this ended quickly and the real trouble started.  It went downhill really fast. Things would get wrong with clients. A few would try to shortchange me, and some were really rude, but the first time I remember that things got really nasty was when I accidentally took too much GHB which is a drug that is really popular among working girls during an appointment with a client.  He took some too.  I passed out and when I woke up, he was gone.  So was my money, my bank card, and my drugs.  One my phone, there was a message from the bank saying that they had blocked my card due to suspicious activity.  The terror I went through realizing that I had been left naked, robbed of my money and my possessions.

“Life goes on”, I thought but there were more and more situations that I wish I could forget. One of the worst was when one man (among many) was nagging me to let him not use a condom. I wouldn’t do that.  He asked me for his money back, but because he had already been there for 45 minutes, I refused.  Then he turned “really nasty and said, “Alright, just wait.  You never know who your next client is going to be”.  Then I started receiving horrible death threats via text messages.  “I’ll cut you up to pieces and throw you to the sharks”.  “Are you ready? I’m coming for you”.  I guess I could have just given him that money back but at that time a few hundred dollars is what I thought my life was worth.

There are myths about the industry and one of them is that it’s a woman’s choice and that she can choose with whom she works and what she does. Once you’re face to face with your client, there isn’t really a way out.  Technically, yes, you could refuse service but in fact, you’re often one on one with a man twice your size who has just paid for you.  You often feel very small and vulnerable.

Sometimes the nicest sounding man on the phone may turn out to be a seedy old man who is rude and pushy in person.  Some clients can be quite aggressive, and this puts the girl in a very vulnerable position when she’s one on one with a client.

Another thing is that condoms actually break much more often than one would think. People say that it’s safe to visit a sex worker, “as long as you use a condom”. In my personal experience, over a 12-month period, the condom broke a significant number of times.  If that happened, I would use the morning after pill again and again – each time from a different pharmacy.  At one point I found out I caught an STD which created even more shame and embarrassment as I’d never had an STD before.  For the client a broken condom is an off chance but for the girl it can be pretty scary and frustrating to go through this fairly regularly. But most won’t talk about it.

Eventually I was caught up in a vicious cycle of sex work and drugs…  In the meantime, I got myself kicked out of my accommodation due to my addiction and started renting a high-rise apartment for almost $1000 a week.  So, I needed to work and work a lot to keep up with paying for it and also for my drugs.  I know that at that stage I was just numb to it.  Day after day, client after client, shower after shower.  I had stopped talking to my friends a long time ago.  The only people I kept in touch with were the other working girls and drug dealers.

But the sad thing is, that in this industry, even though you think you have friends, you’re completely alone, because everybody is busy making their own money and protecting their clients.  If you ask them for a favour, they’ll gladly help you, but then they’ll try to figure out how much money they can make from you.  They’ll steal your clothes and make up and if you catch them they’ll twist it and blame it on you.  It’s a sad world where you really have to learn to play cool and thrive on your own.

At the end, I was tired, I was worn out and like I said just numb.  I remember once I was sitting on my bed and counting money.  It was a bit over $2000 mainly in $50 notes and I thought to myself, “Is this money really what there is? Just a bunch of plastic? There had to be something more to it.

That was the first time I thought of quitting.  But surely a few hours later I was back at work.  I had all these expenses to pay.  Plus, some days were busy, some days were quiet.  On a quiet day if a booking request come through, I felt like I had to stop whatever I was doing and get ready.  I felt almost like I was a slave to my work.

And when those men text or call they are not always polite.  I remember feeling so worthless yet having to put on a brave face for the client.  Until I got to the point when I decided to leave, I’d gone past the point of numbness, I literally couldn’t do it anymore.  At times I couldn’t even force myself to show up to a booking.  I’d often post an ad but then I’d ignore calls and messages anyway.  I felt like my soul had been destroyed. 

My agreement with the apartments expired at the end of the month.  A couple of my regular clients made a few long bookings with me and that pushed me through till the end.  I’ll never forget moving out that day, getting rid of all my clutter while coming down off drugs just to be pretty much on the streets. But I knew I couldn’t keep working or it would have killed me.

Today, 4 years later, I live a clean, drug free life, however I live with the diagnosis of PTSD and severe anxiety.  I struggle to trust people, especially men, in fact, I rarely approach them.  To this day, I suffer from frequent nightmares about hotel rooms, violence and losing my belongings.  To this day, I get random flashbacks of bad memories, bookings that went wrong, the shame I’ve experience.  Sometimes I spot a random man in the city or in public and I see the image of my average client in him: middle aged, middle class man, bored with his life and then it all comes back again.

All the girls I knew came from difficult backgrounds, almost all of them struggled with addiction. One lady started working after becoming a single mum on Centrelink after her marriage broke down.  She didn’t see any other option.  Another girl came from a Domestic Violence relationship and like me, through sex work she sought revenge on men.  Behind every seductive smile there is a heartbroken woman who probably feels that’s the only thing she deserves.

I would like to warn all the girls considering working in this industry.  Please don’t go down that path.  You have so much to offer.  Even if you think you have a “thick skin”, this work will tear your very being apart.

And to the Members of the Parliament: Please don’t decriminalize prostitution in South Australia.  Please don’t make it any easier for these girls to fall into this dangerous trap.  It’s already easy as it is.  It’s not just another job.  If you ask most women they will tell you they love it.  They’re lying.  I used to say that too.

 

*A true testimony with names, events and personal details altered for legal protection and discretionary purposes.

 

 For the many silenced under their cloak of shame, entrapped enslaved in their prison of self-harm. Mothers cry, with unified voice pleading for justice while their vulnerable lambs fall prey into the mouths of ravenous wolves. 

 

Profile 

 

Violet a naive, vibrant beauty in her early 20’s with striking features and country simplicity only wanted to prove her independence. Moving to the city for study and work was vital if she was going to get ahead. Struggling academically during her school years due to a hidden abnormality, it was important for Violet to work hard, and finish well. 

 

Finally, accomplishing a minimum standard of education, she knew she had to work at being dedicated to achieving her goals. Violet was unfortunately unable to drive not having a driver’s license due to her physical limitations. She had to rely on public transport which was not always safe or reliable. She committed herself to work and develop her skills despite this. Her doctor fully aware of her physical challenges and respectful of her ambitions was impressed with her motivation and achievements. Like a blind person having to learn to orientate in their new environment her young adult years were crucial in Violet’s personal and physical development. She managed to complete her employment training and had undertaken casual employment in the hospitality industry.

 

Violet committed to her work and initially boarded with an acquaintance. Finally, being offered what appeared to be a job promotional opportunity she enthusiastically signed the contract believing the sales representative without reading or understanding the details of the fine print. Violet moved closer to her work in a rental apartment and unfortunately, the contracted employment proved to be a scam. Violet was exhausted with fulfilling the demanding sales customer service role and muted into not talking about the contract as part of the conditions of the agreement. She had to pay a rental fee for the use of the business premises; even though her income was way below targets.

 

Having to pay the outstanding fee she had no income to substantiate the lease or her rent. She was committed to working to meet her employment obligations as per the contract she had signed! Violet applied for a second job to pay for the first employment lease and to her credit she got it easily. Unfortunately, the pay was so low and grossly under the award but due to her circumstances she didn’t want to take any risks and jeopardise her only source of income to pay her accumulating bills, so she took on the position willingly. Being casual it was easy to take advantage of her naivety and inexperience. She committed to her work despite the low pay catching public transport regularly. After many months of employment Violet’s second employment option ceased suddenly just before Christmas with the business going into liquidation losing weeks of pay.

 

She managed to pay for the initial employment lease and finalise it. Finally to add to her hardship, Centrelink under Robo Debt took her tax refund automatically out of her account without warning which was to be allocated to paying for her growing electricity account. She quickly advertised for a flat mate to relieve the financial pressure and assist in the rental repayments. Due to the urgency of the situation she was relieved to find someone quickly. 

 

Flatmate Recruitment 

 

While Violet struggled to keep her bills in abeyance enter her new flatmate, with just one flutter of her dark long eyelashes and her perfectly framed airbrushed eyebrows, skin and hair immaculate. Petite in frame, she had plenty of money to spend and filled Violet’s bare fridge with gourmet finer foods and boutique selections, much to Violet’s surprise. Able to travel freely her waitressing / bar tender job obviously appeared lucrative. She was high end, articulate and stylish to match. She was a living promotional model of how to get off “struggle street”.

 

Violet knew that topless waitressing wasn’t her ideal work; but she 

didn’t “feel she had a choice “with such hardship of outstanding bills she justified some bar tending work just to get out of her financial fix and then leave. 

 

Deception 

 

Once Violet had committed to her “waitressing work” (as it was officially entitled) the initiation or grooming (without her knowing) had already begun. The work expectations and requirements were “ad-hoc.” She was randomly man handled everywhere. This persistent mauling went with the territory of the job. Her co- workers, associates, boss encouraged her to take cocaine on the start of her shifts as it “helps you to relax” they said. Her clarity of thought hindered, lost in her lack of presence of mind she was fair game for the old, middle aged and whoever wanted a piece of her. 

 

“Wolves run in packs and circle the lamb feasting on their innocence savouring their young tender flesh. There was no choice here. She was fair game”.

 

It all went out of control from there. Powerless and unable to make sense of her surroundings, she was unable to put up any form of resistance.  She awoke somewhere else with wads of cash stashed in odd places.  Violet was cleverly groomed, procured, manipulated, substance abused, coerced, and assaulted. This isn’t “safe sex workers with informed choice.” These are criminal offences. No protections for the vulnerable here. 

 

Violet became entrapped in a vicious cycle of bar work, substance abuse to assist her to keep up with the expectations of the role. She succumbed to whatever was required of her for the shift with no choices of her own. Weeks went by and Violet’s fatigued body was racked with pain, bruises in strange places, her mind tormented by images and memories she would prefer to forget. She was fast becoming a shell of the person she was; physically sick and going through the motions she robotically met demands so she could pay her bills and meet her goals. She was in too deep unable to leave, even if she wanted to. Sinking deeper and deeper she was about to drown.........

 

Greens MP Tammy Franks submission Statutes Ammendment (repeal for sex workers) Bill 2020 is a  demeaning “ sexy brand campaign to satisfy some self-servicing indulgence” while completely ignoring the real needs of the constituents with regards to the exploitation, discrimination of the young, vulnerable and those living with disabilities. This seeks to feed the carnal desires of some; being those in power at the expense of the young and vulnerable keeping them in a position of subjugation. It’s a selfish submission with no foresight into the reality of cleverly devised schemes of procurement enslaving generations into a vicious cycle of shame and entrapment. Once in the cycle there are many that have an invested interest to keep them in captivity. This model of intervention promotes sexual inequality with no recognition of the long term physical and psycho-social damage not only to those that have been held captive but also to the pain and grief felt by the families and friends who have had to deal with the impact and fallout of this kind of abuse. 

 

The Nordic Model is a proven system of intervention that provides those within the sex industry the option to leave and to have the means and support to do so. This at the very least 

offers those entrapped with choice. It’s a pity that Violet wasn’t able to access this support, she was brutally bashed instead. According to our common law it is a requirement to show due diligence in rationale by providing evidence of a duty of care to those at risk and taking seriously the privilege of being able to enact pieces of legislation for the common benefit of all.  It is a serious misgiving to not do so. 

 

From the mothers’ hearts who are advocating for justice for all the aggrieved incensed community of the silenced. 

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